New York Magazine, the only publication I know of that regularly mocks its own readership, has a helpful guide to outsourcing parenting from conception to college.
Perhaps you’ve been told that having a child is a 24-hour-a-day job. But it doesn’t have to be your job—not for a moment. Nannies have been around for centuries, but in New York—the leading edge of parental avoidance—it is now possible to outsource more-advanced child-rearing functions as well, such as shopping for clothing, going on college visits, and even initiating those awkward talks about, well, you know. How much would it cost to replace yourself entirely for eighteen years—until your child’s driver drops him off at the dorm?
The answer, according to NY Magazine, is over $4 million. But think of all the extra time you could spend at the office . . .