new year’s resolutions

1. Lose the remaining portion of my hair that keeps me from considering myself officially “balding.”
2. Speculate idly about when the period goes inside of or outside of quotation marks. Wonder about the other rules of grammar which (that?) have stymied me since I first failed to learn them in Mrs. Reynolds’ fifth grade English class.
3. Blog consistently once a week, sometimes once every two weeks if there are any new episodes of South Park or the Colbert Report that make it past the youtube censors and require urgent viewing, thereby maintaining my faithful readership of (a) my mom and (b) assorted random crazy passers by [and (c) my cat, apparently. She is smart for someone who has a brain the size of a walnut].
4. Maintain a body weight at least 10 pounds over what will allow me to fit into a pair of Levi’s 511 Skinny “crumpled blue” jeans with the smallest shred of dignity.
5. Read the first 50 pages of Kissinger’s Diplomacy and then set it on top of my dresser for three months before reshelving it in the living room to join the partially read Discipline and Punish and A Peace to End All Peace.
6. Fume impotently against the Bush administration.

I’m feeling a sense of confidence about these resolutions that has been missing in years past.